Our mind’s habitual tendency is to look outwards for happiness and fulfillment but the truth is that this is not a peacefully sustainable way of life.
Eventually, whatever or whoever we were using to fill the sense of void runs out or disappoints us. The common response is to look to the next thing and then the next to keep ourselves emotionally afloat. This is the akin to the old adage “keeping your ducks in a row.” Perhaps you’ve already discovered that trying to control your world is exhausting and leads to a lackluster existence.
Giving up looking for happiness outside of ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy some of humanity’s favorite things like coffee, wine, shopping, time with friends, sex, or TV. It just means we’re not self-medicating anymore. I’m not even speaking about addiction here in the conventional sense. When we’re connected to our own inner radiance when we engage in the outer enjoyments, we’re more present for those things. We let these things touch our hearts deeply and support us. This is possible because of our open heart. Living with an open heart is a M.O. that you can adopt. When I used to hear people say “open your heart” I’d think of being more compassionate to others, but really, it starts with ourselves. “May I be happy and free of struggle and suffering.” This is where the journey starts.
Once we’ve connected deeply to our inner radiance, the world outside of us just isn’t our fuel anymore.
It’s amazing to experience that we can no longer NEED something or someone for our happiness and still LOVE the other and the experience. Actually, that’s when we experience what true love really is. We experience that we still show up for our lives and create out of a sense of natural dignity, integrity, excitement and joy. We are giving up the futile battle of trying to make it all work out for us just the way we want it to. This is the battle of the neurotic mind against your own heart and the world. You can take up this work and still be the CEO of a fortune 500 company or a busy mom. And why would you want to give up control, you might ask? Well, for one, it’s the illusion of control that you’re giving up and giving up the battle is when you get your heart’s desire. Your heart’s desire, is to have your heart be wide open. It’s ironic, really. It’s beautiful in it’s simplicity. Letting go of being right, winning, forcing, leaves you in the center of a moment that is peaceful and nourishing and joyful and full of appreciation. It becomes clearer to you what your truth is and what you want and need. You act from a place of sanity and love. You’re not a doormat, quite the opposite. You discover gentle strength and joy from within.
Byron Katie said in a talk: “When your heart is that open, do you even care if theirs is!” Coming home to yourself you get to enjoy the whole world. This is not some insular, self-preoccupied experience. This is finding your home in yourself and in the world and it’s a beautiful place. You start by entering your heart.
I’ve made this process my life’s work, personally and professionally. I can help you start to live with a more wide open heart. Contact me for a free psychotherapy or coaching consultation. Lots of love to you.
